Safiyyah

I came across this poem in a bunch of papers I was in the process of shredding! It brought back so many memories on my first steps to motherhood, I wrote it whilst in hospital in 2006, the first time I had been away since she came home from hospital for a significant length of time.

Here it goes:

My baby, entrusted to me,
by the almighty,
the one and only,
your smile I see,
when I’m all alone,
thinking how things would be,
if we were all together,
all us three,
your father, you and me,
whatever happens,
just take hold of it,
and forever thankful,
you will be,
be strong, be patient,
with Allah, you will forever be.

With love Mummy!

I really believe that no matter how small and in whatever way, you have to give advice to your children, one thing that made me happy was that I realised, When I am gone, I have left my child with the knowledge of Allah. Even if it is in very simple terms.

I write it on my wall, with the hope and prayer that when she is older she will come across this, one day. Ameen

 

Young lady.

your value is what’s contained within,
Your beauty glows from right therein,
that mini skirt doesn’t serve you with anything.
oh why young lady?

Don’t you know those beautiful legs are not for show?
exposing them only goes to dampen your glow,
your worth is more than a million in rubies and Gold,
that mini skirt does nothing to make you more,
being a slave to something that’s killing you slow,
covering up is a blessing to protect your soul,
perhaps you simply do not know, its better to be judged according to the knowledge you hold.

My dear young lady,
covering up is not a sin,
those tight skinny jeans were hard to fit in,
you are only wearing them so you can fit in,
your perception of shame has been deeply tainted,
to the point where you dress in see through leggings,
this road of exposure I can see no ending.

Where is the good when all men are glancing?
no need to even try unraveling,
your beauty, your wealth all for free you are serving,
you have nothing worthy left of anyone admiring,

Be aware young lady, you can be anything,
your beauty does not need uncovering,
believe me it will shine through even the darkest of veiling,
honour in your creation is a thing worth attaining,
true beauty can only be found in the highest ranking.

So beautiful young lady, please behold,
this life you will wither, soon decompose,
so set your sights to the place where your final abode,
please your Lord in modest atire and He will grant you more,
more than a glimpse and a tssk from an unworthy soul.
a garden where plenty a rivers do flow.

 

For my children.

Out of love you were born, a love for Allah that goes above and beyond all graces.
out of love you were born, to be raised and be of those who submitted.
out of love you were born, to comprehend and behold His awesome majesty.
out of love you were born, to be servants and uphold you’re allegiance to the one, true and only diety.

With this love you will live, practicing in daily bliss,
this jewel of Islam that shrouds you in beautiful peace and contentment.
with this love you will live, gain strength and overcome every test you ever find yourself facing,
with this love you will live, and learn all the best ways to gain His utmost pleasure and mercy.

Upon your return, you will have reached what was sought and found your soul rested.
upon your return, we pray you are met with absolute and a complete tranquility.
Upon your return, we ask Him the most high that you are dressed in the perfect robes of the unimaginable paradise gardens.
Upon your return, we beseech only in Him that you are able to drink from the rivers that flow of paradise wine, milk and honey.

Ameen.

 

Stormy weather

They say its beautiful, that I cannot deny, on a bad day though, you could imagine nothing worse, nothing more ugly. as soon as that storm passes though, its amazing how every things all better. just like the storm, when the sun comes out, its as if it never even happened. Letting go, forgiving, moving on, that’s the key, as you will have very stormy, turbulent weather at times, if you let it pass, it will pass, it fades away and leaves no effects, no after shocks, that is if you have truly let it go. The beauty that it shook is realised again, it suddenly reappears through the clouds and normality resumes. All to take a lesson from. As when it does start to get cloudy, equipping ourselves, first with the right attitude, then calmly collecting the correct equipment to aid us in getting through the turbulent weather and last but not least ridding ourselves of all that will make us sink or make the waves harder to traverse! So what is the right attitude? For me, its dropping anything that will make me feel like I am the one who is right, finding a reason, one reason to blame myself, then acting on it, making that reason, why the weather decided to switch on me in the first place! Maybe if I had waited for the last part of the sentence, I would have reacted differently?, maybe if I hadn’t brushed his view off, it would have stopped him from reacting the way he did? The right attitude for me, is, finding the part of me, that makes me feel that its alright to be the one to say ‘I’m sorry’ the one to smile and say ‘come on its not that bad we can sort this out’ the one to initiate the hug, that hug that fixes everything and makes the sun shine right through those clouds again. Once the demon of me! Me! Me! Is defeated then comes equipping myself with the humility to act upon the plan that I have made in my head to make things right again, simple as forgiving and forgetting as I don’t see how you can harbour anything against someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with, planning how to spend the rest of your life with them when stormy weather approaches comes in very handy too, most times though, you begin learning once the small waves start to hit the shore! Lastly, not looking back, erasing all those vices from our character that ultimately hinder any upward progress in our relationships, such as pride or arrogance and so many more. Its not easy to take things so lightly when you are dealt with a blow, especially one you never saw coming, even more so from someone you never imagined it would come from. Remember though, that you have most likely dealt the same or worse blow and they chose not to make a big deal out of it. So just because you might think ‘but I would never do that to you’ well you probably already have! They simply let it slide. At first it may seem difficult to be so forgiving but as you live and learn, it does get easier. The actual potion to relieve all your commotion though is to remember that, He the most high has been there all those times that you wronged Him and He never left your side, not even for a minute, like when you decide you need some ‘me time’ to shut everything out, not realising that you were in a sense even shutting Him out.’let them forgive and overlook. Do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? Indeed Allah is oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.’ (Q24:22)

 

Maybe today?

That extra effort, not over effort, just that little to let Him know that you are trying, this time, this precious time. Maybe today would have been the day that had you uttered that one subhanAllah, it would have been your jannah, maybe today could have been the day, that had you uttered that sincere alhamdulillah, it would have had all your sins wiped away, maybe today if you had opened the quran, even just stared at the pages, He would have looked down on you with sympathy and opened up your heart to receive all that is within it, maybe today had you said salams instead of just walking past , it would have been that one extra weight that you needed on your scale to tip the balance in your favour.
Maybe,
today,
would have,
been,
had you.
This beautiful month, oh blessed Ramadan, let us internalise you and all that you mean. Oh lord of all that exists, Ya Allah, please make today, this moment, this time, this dua, this reflection, my contemplation, my need for you in all that I am and could be, ya Rabbi, my maker, the one who has made all that is possible in my life, come to be, make this count, make this count. My desperation is because I know I fall short, its because I know of things that I have done, its because I know that without you on my side, then even ever existing was not worth it, I know that if you are not with me then I am wasted, doomed and I cannot even say I did not know. Oh how I wish that I had an excuse, a reason.
Maybe,
today,
would have,
been,
had I.
Thinking like this when its too late, is too late. Now oh Ramadan, now is my time to act and with all your blessings I know you are here to help me.
Maybe,
today,
will be,
if I.
Ameen.

 

In Allah’s hands

It feels nice to know that I’m in Allah’s hands,
no matter what, I know that,
what’s best is what He’s planned,
I wake up every morning with my thoughts at hand,
go through my normal routines not forgetting to put my head to the ground.
It feels nice to know that I’m in Allahs hands.

I make my du’as knowing that Allah has planned,
whatever I receive is not out of my own hands,
His provision for me is the reason why I can stand,
to be enabeled to do is a reason why I raise my hands.
It feels nice to know that I’m in Allahs hands.

Happy or sad, good times and bad,
I thank Him for all the times I’ve had,
as the wisdom in them all is only knowledge that He has,
I can only pray for my deeds, the ones that make Him pleased count,
It feels nice to know that I’m in Allahs hands.

 

Ramadan Intentions

O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that you may (learn) self restraint. ( Al Baqarah, ayah 183)
How well do we know about the blessed month of Ramadan?, as it is fast approaching, it is time to start thinking and preparing, to start rectifying wrong thoughts and actions, it is also time to start taking the small steps in eradicating bad and sinful habits, so that by the time this amazing month falls upon us, our souls shall be ready to accept it and we can truly feed it what it is constantly yearning for. We tend to neglect our souls very much, as everyday life and activities tend to over shadow that which is truly important, at the end of most days we just want to get home and relax. When have you ever said to yourself ‘I cannot wait to go home to read some Quran’? When was the last time you unplugged the phone just so that you can sit with Allah, undisturbed? Have you even considered putting the kids to bed early for the sole purpose of pondering over Allah’s creation? Considering most of us will say probably never to any of these questions then now is the time to start, before it is the eve of Ramadan and you are still in the same state that you have been throughout the year, busy, unprepared, unorganised, stressed out and so on. Preparing for this Holy month with children is easier than we think, especially if we are ready in good time. Planning is an important aspect of anything that we want to succeed in, the month of Ramadan we know is an important month, fasting is a rewarding act, inwardly and outwardly and in order to gain that reward we have to start training, that way we can find a strategy that best suits us. For example, if we begin with the supererogatory fasts, even just once a week, on that day we actively prohibit ourselves from all that which is wrong or harmful to ourselves and those around us. At the end of each fast write down what you know you adhered to well and where you also took a slip, remember we are not perfect but we can always aim for that which is en route to perfection. After a few of these voluntary fasts, compare your notes and see the areas that you need to improve on, do not only make these days the days that you are actively seeking better character but make it a point to adopt this vigour in all your affairs, day in day out, if you are true to yourself then you will definitely note changes. If it is anger towards one person make your efforts to convert that anger into a good act, give a gift, charity, smile. Take heed that whenever you give in goodness you are not depriving yourself of anything, and if you don’t see any outward gain then remember that, the best reward is with Allah.
Fasting makes you give up those things that you are so used to, snacking, chewing gum, having a sip of water, possibly some bad verbal habits, this list can be very long!, many of us make renewed vows of areas we shall never again enter or certain friends we shall make a concerted effort to avoid, this is not a bad thing, as long as we realise that consistency is the key to reaching our ultimate goal, consistency in our good acts. Whenever we make these vows we should remember our good intentions should far surpass a fixed period of time, they should begin to form an important part of our character. Our children are one of the best blessings that we could ever have hoped for, during Ramadan they should become a part of all those things that go to make the most special of months, the most rewarding one. There is no one piece of advice that will apply to all on how to make your Ramadan a successful one as we all have different homes, different lifestyles and different ways of bringing up our children but certainly we have learnt on this beautiful journey of parenthood that planning and organisation is a vital aspect of any happy home. Plan to be with Allah and organise your life so that you are prepared for this meeting!

 

I know their mothers raised them better than this!

Thinking about the world and the state that its in today, I figure it has for a long time been leading to all this mayhem and chaos, this is probably just the beginning. Our leaders, they meet, they discuss, they make decisions all supposedly on our behalf as they were, well some of them anyway, democratically elected, they all claim to be serving our best interests but a lot of it has to do with selfish aims and objectives, when they claim the national interest they are clearly talking about the piece of land they call their country,not the people in it, they protect it with patriotism and passion but yet a human life is worth nothing, depending on its ethnicity I may even argue race.
When I sit and ponder, my thoughts go towards their mothers, these leaders. Can I imagine Gaddafi as a sweet smelling, beautiful child, who once made his mother feel only what mothers do towards their children?, I envision Berlusconi can I see his innocence?, his purity?, imagine his first words? SubhanAllah, I truly cannot! Yet I remind myself that he actually once was all that, and more. I imagine Obama with his mother, truly loved and innocent, she protecting him from harms way, a graze on his knee would make her heart tremble, if only she could stop his pain and wipe away his tears. Can you see Mubaraks mother, teaching him the value of sharing, chiding him for hitting a peer? Imagine George Bush being taught by his own mother the sanctity of life when he squashed an ant or fly! Or Cameron taking away his brother or sisters toy, I am sure his mother would have made him give it back.
Can you fathom any of our world leaders being taught by their mothers, both parents that it was ok to take a life, even of something that they believed in, someone they hated, something they wanted? I cannot. Now they use their mouths to declare unimaginable things, they use their positions to hurt, claiming to protect, they make peoples hearts quake in fear and teach nothing but self interest, ultimately teaching only selfishness to the world, they mame and kill in the name of their beliefs and ideologies, they take things that are not theirs, through the use of force and aggression, and lay claim that its for the best!So why do they all commit crimes today and feel no accountability? They openly and proudly declare their actions and the next plan of action, they lie and decieve as though it were all a natural and justified thing to do. They have opened up pandoras boxes in multitudes, without closing one always moving onto another, now it is all slowly unravelling and getting out of control. Where are their mothers lessons and where are the efforts all gone in raising them as the best humans they can be? Where is their humanity?imagine their mothers so proud of their offspring! My son a president, a king, a prime minister! And imagine them knowing, my son a war mongerer, a murderer, a dictator, a tyrant! . 
I look to my own children and I want to raise leaders, not as they are now though, that will take a concerted effort I know, but I vow not to raise a leader who will find it easy and a natural course of action to declare war, or hurt others for a piece of the world of which we will all leave, in the guise of humanitarian intervention or a defence against colonialism, any form it may appear to take. There are better ways, there are smarter ways and there surely almost always there is an easier way! Ultimately all we can do and must do is pray, pray that our world leaders will find a way without all this loss of life, that they use their hearts and excersise compassion as clearly things are not getting better.
I know their mothers raised them better than this!

 

Days gone bye

I miss my single day's, I love being married and a mum, 
its great, don't get me wrong, beats being single any day, 
there are times though when I remember certain instances and I feel 
like I do when I remember an old friend. You can literally just get 
up and go when you felt like it, no responsibilities really, just 
the good old house hold chores. well there's one thing in life that 
doesn't wane away for you. 
I think back at times and realise within me that there was so much 
that I wasted, opportunities, time, even words, 
things that I could and should have said but did not. Learning is 
the biggest thing that I have regrets about, if I had learnt the 
correct things in the correct manner, there would be so much in my 
life that would be very different, in a good way. My school days 
I wish I hadn't let myself be distracted with petty jokes and games 
all in the vain aimless aim of reaching popularity, sixth form, 
I wish I asserted myself in my studies a lot more and maximised 
my potential, university, alhamdulillah, that was much better as 
I had grown up by then, I had just got back from spending three of 
the most amazing years in syria, so I had transformed a lot by then,
I learnt that I had a spiritual depth that I had never explored, 
I absolutely loved discovering it and I had also let go of a lot of 
the charcteristics within me that had focused my vision solely on 
this life and nothing beyond it. I think I just kinda forgot about 
the after life before then. Hmmm, its wierd when I think about it. 
I thank the good Lord for rectifying a lot in my life. 
Why do I write this, well I am simply reflecting on matters that 
are affecting my state of being at the moment, remembering when I 
had nothing to hold on to for hope, remembering when I didn't know I 
had something to hold on to. 
Its really hard sometimes thinking back,
the times that I do miss were all fundamentally the days that I had 
started to turn to Allah, the days that Allah made me see beyond my 
tunnel vision of life and all its affairs, that's when I met the 
people, the beautiful girls from the world over who helped me to 
change my perspective on every aspect of life through the different 
stages of my humanity. I miss them all now and am overwhelmed with 
this feeling of longing as I know for sure that some of them I will 
never see again. Its ok though, they played their part in my life, 
just like I in theirs, that's what Allah has written and nothing is 
better than that........ Or not. Meeting in paradise would far 
supercede being better than that!
Looking back now, the only reason I miss my single days is because 
I wish I had used them all up for the sole purpose of gaining Allah's
pleasure, nothing less,I am blessed to have been given the 
opportunity to grow and realise, as I think to those who have not 
been given this chance. The lesson here is to make use of your 
bashful years, don't waste them only to regret in the future, 
as with marriage comes serious responsibilities that require the 
human mind and soul to be at a certain station in order to be able 
to do it right, Gods way. I pray to Allah to forgive us all for our 
shortcomings and to give us the blessing in our time left of 
rectifying our wrong and aiming for that which is of the highest 
rank with Him.
Thank you Allah.

 

Faded

The things I touched, I left no traces,

where my footsteps took me,

other feet have erased me,

where my voice once echoed,

only the walls remember, as,

other voices have followed.

My smile will become a distant memory,

the sound of my laughter, something you will only see,

all will fade into a time that’s history,

every footstep….. every sound….. every touch…..

become all as if they had never been.

The stories time once told, will be replaced,

the lives that once unfolded, now eroded,

no permanence, all gone back or is it forward,

to where its intended.

The END.