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When i’m gone.

31 Jan

Don’t be shocked when you hear that I’m gone, its not news that you didn’t know one day would come. No matter how many we have mourned in the past, our days are only coming closer. That moment when you find out about the loss of a loved one or a nearest and dearest, your heart beats and you feel as though the angel is still near, then a day goes by and it doesn’t become harder to handle, as you are surrounded by people. everyone’s lives have to go on, me not being here doesn’t stop a thing. So many moments approach to make you realise that I’m truly gone, only tears that you feel at that time you can never cry enough of. many times when you feel that life won’t go on and the feeling is so strong that no matter what you are doing, it over whelms you. You feel so alone as you try to keep on but that impossible slope begins to even out and you can at last form a smile while the thoughts of days gone by come flooding back to you.

When you hear news that I’m gone, don’t be shocked, or try to hold on, as reality is real and nothing will bring me back, just hold tight to that rope as the storm will most definitely dry and you’ll move on no matter the length of time. Think of forever and realise that in this temporal world, forever never existed, just a fantasy elaborated to make us all forget that the transition date will most definitely arrive and we must all leave this abode unsure of our final destination.
Getting caught up in this here world, is not worth all the effort, as when I’m gone I’m no more, no going back, no steps forth, just onwards to another place unknown.

When you hear news that I’m gone, don’t be shocked, wilfully carry on and pray, pray for yourself as you don’t know when its your turn, as it comes when you least expect it. There is no knock, no wait of an inviting reply. There are no addresses to keep things polite and no handshakes or smiles, just a moment and your gone, that’s it, no more, finished, the end, time is up, not even a scent, just fading memories.

So when you hear news that I’m gone, I know you’ll miss me, just be strong, not knowing what’s over the other side is hard to grasp, pray that I’m ok and ask Allah to forgive all my lies, the lies that made me forget that one day I’m going back to where I came from. the delusion is too much in this world, we do things feeling we will be awake for many more special moments, not knowing this one, might be the last one.

I’ve looked around at times and thought, how much longer can this last? Who will be first to leave? It could easily be me?
Nothing was cut short when I go, even if I left a half drunk cup of tea, the rest wasn’t meant to be. With all this badness, around me and my family, inshaAllah it will be better for me, I hold on the rope of hope and believe that it will be a beautiful legacy, the life that I lived, I don’t want it to be empty, I want it to be full of life long and beneficial memories. No matter the times that I say it, I know that one day you will be shocked when I’m gone as you never expected me to leave, despite all the reminders that we receive.

Don’t be shocked when you hear news that I’m gone, as I pray to Allah its the moment I find relief, be sad, but pray I’m smiling as I’ve gone back to a place where there is no more make believe.

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2 Comments

Posted by on January 31, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

2 responses to “When i’m gone.

  1. Rujie

    February 2, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    Subhnallah, these words have bought back a bitter memory on the day when my son passed away. A reminder we all will go in similar ways. His was a relief to his soul, Allahu alam what our one will be. His is jannah and our eternity is unknown. If you don’t mind can I share this with a group of sisters that also lost their children!
    Ps – your article on aalia.org was so inspiring and a reminder, not everyone’s fate is written the same but as a Muslim and a mother our gratitude and reliance on Allah can get us through each day. Jzkhair – Rujie

     
    • aishaswall

      February 2, 2013 at 4:43 pm

      May Allah bless you and help you through each and every day. Jazakillah khair for your comments, really humbled me. Any good from me is surely from Allah, as I know the true person I am. you can certainly share whatever of mine that you wish,once my words are written they are no longer mine alone, but they are for all who wish to read them. May Allah reward you abundantly and grant you and all your loved ones with Jannatul Firdaus as your final abode without account, May Allah make the day you meet your beautiful son again, a day full of light, great joy and relief from all the burdens and heartache of this life. Ameen, accompanied with a big spiritual hug, from one believing soul to another, inshaAllah. .Fi amanillah.

       

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