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Why cry?

31 Jan

I was in the hospital play room waiting on the doctor, safiyyah was playing whilst -Ibrahim sat in his buggy not feeling very well. There was a brother present with his three year old daughter, mashaAllah beautiful little girl. She had medical problems similar to Ibrahims except she couldn’t walk at all, she even had a special chair alhamdulillah. As parents do, particularly when they see that they have things in common, we exchanged a number of questions with regards to the state of health of our children, during the course of that conversation and I believe without even realising it, he really imparted some great wisdoms upon me, it left me feeling much more in charge of my feelings with regards to how I react when put in a difficult sometimes heart wrenching situation. I remember the amount of times I have wept for my son despite knowing I have no control over the situation. I do understand that what is written is what shall be but how much does my understanding translate when faced with difficulty?, I thought to myself how I would love to be that in control of my reactions, not my feelings as much, as when a mother feels that strong emotion to her child it is from the mercy that Allah has given us towards our children. This brother asked me ‘why do women cry so much?’ this was in relation to his wife as he explained to me the amount of times that she has cried with regards to their sick daughter, he said to me ‘in fact, even this morning before the appointment she cried’ I smiled as I thought to myself ‘you are asking the wrong person’ as I myself cry too much with regards to my son! Then he went on to ask me and he phrased it in arabic, which for me gave it an extra punch, it simply resonated so much more, he said ‘is it from weak iman? This time I laughed, only because I hoped not! Then I thought subhanAllah! Could it be? and if so how would I know? I have never questioned why Allah gave me my child as He did, in the hope and sincere dua that my son is an amazing blessing that could be one of our many keys into Jannah! And wallahi despite his condition, he is a true blessing in that he makes us happy in many different way’s and for me I have gained much iman through him, in fact without him I dread to think of my spiritual state! Allah knows the wisdom behind why Ibrahim is the way he is and I do not question that for a second, in the reverse actually, I question why He blessed me with such an amazing little boy, I even picture the angels falling in love with him! With that I thank Allah, as He has given me much hope despite all my tears, they are not tears of anger or frustration, but its a desperate plea to Allah almighty to give me and increase me in strength to get through it all. My emotions are always on edge when he becomes ill as many questions swirl through my mind, will he need another operation?, what will be the out come this time?, and the most dreaded of all, is this it? What if he doesn’t get through it? This time. It is not that I loose hope when I breakdown and cry but that I need to release the tears as, every day I look at my son, despite how happy I am it is as though there is a barrier within my eyes that store every tear so when anything other than the usual pattern of our life happens, the barrier falls and it all comes rushing out, this is despite the strength that I carry within me through many happy days. My tears are not because my iman is weak, although at times I do question it, I refuse to believe that. It is because I search for what is there, He who is there to let me know He is near and He is here with me and for me and I desperately beseech in Him because I know that if I do not then I can never handle the situation or get through it. Before the end of the lesson that Allah taught me that day, the brother said to me ‘kullu shay maktoob indAllah’ and he stressed this maybe three times, as though I needed to confirm it, despite my belief in it. I appreciated this reminder so much, this brother was very softly spoken with all the wisdom to make you sit up straight and listen. I was taught once by another very wise man that, when you speak sincerely, the words are from the heart to the heart and I believe that day this was the case, his advice was from a believing heart and inshaAllah to another. Allah knows and ‘everything written is with Allah

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Posted by on January 31, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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