Author Archives: aishaswall

For you both

For you both

You asked Allah for a righteous, god fearing, god loving child, into their youth, adulthood and all their life. You want them to be perfect, flawless, from birth until death……………..

They won’t all be perfect, it won’t be smooth sailing just because you asked. The path is a struggle and you won’t get what you want out of that until you both go through the correct training. Allah’s training. Well, you asked for it right?

Every child needs a lesson along the way, you the parent, adult, carer need to do the teaching, if scenarios don’t arise, opportunities let’s call them. If they do not arise, how is that child going to know? How will they know the warning signs? How will they learn to understand that feeling? That voice inside that is grappling with them to do the right thing?

There is a certain strength and conviction that one must learn and endeavour to remain upon before certain character traits become normal, become natural.

When you asked Allah for a strong child and He blessed you with a weak one, know that there is a journey that you both have to embark upon, Lessons that you need to teach and trials that you will both have to undergo.

When you asked Allah for a clever child and He blessed you with one that needs additional help along the way then realise that both of you have a journey to undertake, Lessons that you need to learn and a world and way of learning that your child will discover, through you.

When you asked Allah for a truthful child and your child blessed you with a child that adds a bit more detail than required, learn that there are ways of doing things that need to change, methods of teaching that need to be revised, examples that need to be set.

There are countless examples of you wanting one thing and Allah blessing you with the complete opposite or with something you never imagined entirely.

Do know that whatever you asked Allah for to be manifest in your child and He does not bless you with an immediate response, that there are things within you that Allah has not yet completed and He has blessed you with what will take you both where He wants you, but you have to put in the work, you have to show Him the want and you need to ask Him endlessly to show you the way. For both of you.

Do not blame yourself but look, search, delve deep and don’t stop. He loves that child for you, He wants you to work, learn and discover and He will make the struggle a worthy one. For you both.

Ask, and don’t stop asking, for whatever you want in your child, He knows why you need to ask and He knows just what is right to help you get it.

Nurturing a heart, mind and consciousness that you do not know is not easy work. Put in the effort and you will get there.


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Posted by on March 7, 2017 in Uncategorized


When the sky is blue

When the sky is blue and the leafless trees look like shadows,

when the birds are cawing silently and the world is floating adrift.

As dawn is breaking,

The slumber of the night is slowly waning,

The footsteps of a new day are approaching,

Another beautiful morning.

Through the darkness, the light is overtaking.

Despite new life approaching,

Somewhere deep deep inside is reminded,

That only god knows the number of lives that have not risen.

While slowly rising and realising,

Before the regret that this moment right now is again ending,

The wondering begins,

The day begins,

Events planned with no assurance,

Everyone assuming the end is far,

So far away that the possibility of it not happening seems,


Time so invisible, unable to be touched or felt,

An ending wait, an ending awaits, when? who? how?

As the dusk over takes and the light withers, all rolling into one, whiling away, unnoticed by the drum of life that has become so automatic, rising then lying, waking then sleeping, wellness then illness and youth into old age, the line we all walk upon, single file.

Darkness falls,

All to begin again,

When the sky is blue,

Anew for some, repeating for some, the end for some.

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Posted by on January 17, 2017 in Uncategorized


Mini reflections: 7

Mini reflections: 7

Ramadan day 25. 2016

Not many words, Nothing to write,

Something is whispering,

Deep down inside,

Worthless me,

Undeserving self,

Trying to stop the bad thoughts,

Bubbling strongly inside.

Ya Allah, A servant like me is asking you, mighty Lord, to grant me something I know I do not deserve for I have no worth, but you can do anything. It is so easy for you.

It is hard for me,

As much as I try,

I try to be your servant,

Yet life drags me and slows all of my strides.


Ya Allah please, and I mean it,

Even though it is from someone like me,

Please I implore you,

grant me this one thing;

If I do not witness the night of decree,

Despite all of my efforts please write it for me,

Please do reward me as though I was a witness to it,

For if sleep over took me,

Then it did see me,

Reward me with like measure,

Even beyond,

For you this is easy,

I await uneasily,

I ask you sincerely,

In anticipation of your reply.


From a servant like me.







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Posted by on June 30, 2016 in Uncategorized


Mini reflections: 6

Mini reflections: 6

Ramadan day 7, 2016

Reading, is all I am doing, trying to internalise, feel and understand this, this perfect gift to mankind, not just for me but for all of us, no matter where we are from or what we are like.

To us, all of us, it speaks, it directs, it warns.

For the silent, subdued, quiet, introvert, for the unsure, insecure, pondering thinker, small talker, for the loud, forceful, opinionated want to know it all thinks he knows it all but doesn’t know it all, know it all.

To us, all of us, it speaks, it directs, it warns.

We can all learn with hearts open, minds free from all that we think we know, we claim to know. If we could just read. Read more than what is on the page but connect and reflect, ponder at all the wonder.

To us, all of us, it speaks, it directs, it warns.

Really, the only miracle I need is to just get it, at the snap of a finger, yes, open my eyes and know that in my heart I just get it and that you can too, we all can, if we allow it to penetrate and let ourselves go to a place that which we have never let our hearts believe exists.

To us, all of us, it speaks, it directs, it warns.

This gift, a perfect gift, the true gift, the one thing that will never leave us, instead it will guide us, help us, teach us how to live and be free, truly free for our souls to  journey happily contented to our maker.

Al-Quran, Al-Kareem, to us, all of us, it speaks, it directs, it warns.

Now listen, stop hiding and go seek!

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Posted by on June 12, 2016 in Uncategorized


Mini reflections: 5

Mini reflections: 5

Ramadan day 5, 2016

Repentance is like the rain as it falls, when one seeks it, it can gently wash away the dirt, slowly peeling away the unwanted layers of regrets and if only’s.

It can be gentle and peaceful, falling softly, kindly renewing it’s seeker, granting an internal pounding of hope, an uplifting sensation, like words floating up and away from the writer, the writer fondly gazing happily whilst letting their words go.

Thunder and lightning, loud and  frightening, repentance. Forced on bended knee, chest heaving, heart beating, tears streaming, sobs screaming, nobody is hearing, all alone, it’s just me.

Like tearing each word off the page, then reappearing, etching deeper, making it harder to reach. Oh please god just get rid of it!

A desperate servant with nothing but my own sinful deeds, I bow down in shame and put in my own heartfelt plea, maybe an angel will write down the words on my invisible sheet.

It is as though I am searching all the seas, deep down and beneath I am praying you hear me.


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Posted by on June 10, 2016 in Uncategorized


Mini reflections: 4

Mini reflections: 4

Ramadan day 4, 2016

When I think of my life, I wonder so many wonders, how did I get here? when did this moment become one to look back upon?

Every year I evolve, change, take a few steps forward, and many more back only to re-walk a walk I have performed over and over, sometimes forgetting that I have actually been there before. So many repetitive feelings, stuck and unable to break through.

I wonder how other people see me? when I walk away, what are they thinking? did I do enough? enough to let them know, let them feel ME, despite not knowing who I really am.

O Allah allow me, Allow me to touch hearts and change minds and exude love, so much that other people feel ME, despite not knowing who I really am.

So many layers and years, so many journeys and paths, too many, that I cannot remember  and a million moments that have disappeared, have brought me to where I am today to be WHO I am today, right now, thinking what I think, doing what I do, feeling what I feel. Despite not knowing who I really am.

Oh Allah I am trying, I will keep trying, slowly realising, not to spend too much time, needing to know who I really am, but importantly, find YOU and get to know who YOU really are.

Oh Allah keep my heart firm, do not allow me to turn back or falter, hold me and help me, make me stronger.


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Posted by on June 9, 2016 in Uncategorized


Mini reflections: 3

Mini reflections: 3

Ramadan day 3. 2016

My mission is Jannah, there is no room for compromise, sleep deprived I will be OK, I can rest when I get there. Hunger stops me in my tracks, I push on, this is training for when this moment, this month will surely end.

I am stocking up on all of my spiritual vitamins, I need to be on top form now to get me through the more difficult days.

I am sweating so hard, is this not enough?

No! there is a voice  that responds,

this is nothing my friend,

we have higher mountains to climb,

one day you will arrive,

just keep pushing and strive,

I will be by your side.

Helping me?

I feel so guilty inside,

I am wondering why?

I will not fail I decide,

faith in you is my life,

it is all I will take when I die……

All I will take when I die, when I die, I die.


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Posted by on June 9, 2016 in Uncategorized