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Mini reflections: 4

Mini reflections: 4

Ramadan day 4, 2016

When I think of my life, I wonder so many wonders, how did I get here? when did this moment become one to look back upon?

Every year I evolve, change, take a few steps forward, and many more back only to re-walk a walk I have performed over and over, sometimes forgetting that I have actually been there before. So many repetitive feelings, stuck and unable to break through.

I wonder how other people see me? when I walk away, what are they thinking? did I do enough? enough to let them know, let them feel ME, despite not knowing who I really am.

O Allah allow me, Allow me to touch hearts and change minds and exude love, so much that other people feel ME, despite not knowing who I really am.

So many layers and years, so many journeys and paths, too many, that I cannot remember  and a million moments that have disappeared, have brought me to where I am today to be WHO I am today, right now, thinking what I think, doing what I do, feeling what I feel. Despite not knowing who I really am.

Oh Allah I am trying, I will keep trying, slowly realising, not to spend too much time, needing to know who I really am, but importantly, find YOU and get to know who YOU really are.

Oh Allah keep my heart firm, do not allow me to turn back or falter, hold me and help me, make me stronger.

 

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Posted by on June 9, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Mini reflections: 3

Mini reflections: 3

Ramadan day 3. 2016

My mission is Jannah, there is no room for compromise, sleep deprived I will be OK, I can rest when I get there. Hunger stops me in my tracks, I push on, this is training for when this moment, this month will surely end.

I am stocking up on all of my spiritual vitamins, I need to be on top form now to get me through the more difficult days.

I am sweating so hard, is this not enough?

No! there is a voice  that responds,

this is nothing my friend,

we have higher mountains to climb,

one day you will arrive,

just keep pushing and strive,

I will be by your side.

Helping me?

I feel so guilty inside,

I am wondering why?

I will not fail I decide,

faith in you is my life,

it is all I will take when I die……

All I will take when I die, when I die, I die.

 

 
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Posted by on June 9, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Mini reflections: 2

Mini reflections: 2

Ramadan Day 2. 2016

By the will of Allah we submit, submit to what He has ordained, searching, praying, hoping, no matter our short falls that he will forgive us, one day, that day, the most important day.

If I know where I came from, why I am here, and to where I am going, I have the answer to everything.

He knows I am here, when I turn to Him, He will guide me, He will help me through, He knows that I cannot do this alone, without Him surely I will fail.

As we submit to Him He provides the anchor by which we can steady ourselves and remain firm.

I do not have, yes but He will give, I cannot do, yes but He can, for you, I am unable, have no fear, He will enable you, I am so weak, and His strength is all that you need, but I am already lost, then stop. Go back, a step at a time and call His name, with every step He is already running to you.

Brave these waters, they were never meant to be calm.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the call of he supplicant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright” (Quran: 2:186)

 
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Posted by on June 7, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Mini reflections: 1

Mini reflections: 1

Ramadan day 1, 2016.

This blessed time is an opportunity given to our souls to resurface, to re-emerge from all the clutter and refuse we have thrown upon it year round.

Arise worshipful servants, shake off the clutter, clean off the dust and walk while discarding that burdensome load.

Become light and gracious with every step that you take. Feel free again, feel bold again, let your soul soar and taste the sweetness of faith again.

Stand purified, stand strong, with a purpose, eventually to stand among, among those beautified souls for whom the toil and troubles of this life, no matter how hard will all be worth it…………………

For as long as you are not angry with us dear Lord.

“O My slaves! For you there is no fear this day, nor is it ye who grieve” (Quran: 43;68)

 
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Posted by on June 6, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Brain dump

Ramadan is fast approaching, so many thoughts, so many plans, the ones un-written or un-noted, fade away, seldom to reappear, something in my aura telling that an un-finished duty is awaiting, a duty that was never begun, just a flash, amongst the hustle and bustle and the cluttered disorganisation that is in my head!

The way to regain ownership and order of the whirlwind that seems so unrecognisable at times, not being able to differentiate what is me, from what I do not want to be.
Deprivation is the only answer, I know, harsh as it may sound, It actually remains the only sweetness that awakens my soul.

Looking forward to meeting a friend, a meeting that I may not be alive to even attend, how do I know? what do I know?
I have to pour it all out, where is the sense, it doesn’t make sense, because there are no words within my head, just thoughts…… wrapped in a whirlwind that I cannot comprehend.
The light that glimmers far far away, at times the flicker is aimed in my direction, I stare and crumble at the opportunities that I have let slip through my fingers, like sand running, running as fast as the slither of a snake.

Keeping up is so hard, especially when weighed down with so much STUFF, I just want it all out of my head. How do I begin again? clear it all out and set out, no more false starts, but an eager soul, filled with a passion that overflows and never ends.

As the faith within me deepens so do the valleys and hillocks on which my spirits highs and lows depend. No more, but less, of everything. No more adding to the pain! What is there I cannot erase.

So as Ramadan is fast approaching, a long and lone spiritual moment to focus and realign in order to guide and learn to deny any, more, but less, yes! Less. see its all in the deprivation, that the regeneration of a weakened soul, an awakening of a spirit will begin to take hold and I can feel free again.

Lighter and closer. His words, not my words, are what I want to behold. I want Him to hold me close with them, fill my head with them, for my heart to beat, with His words, for my blood to flow, with His words, for the rhythm that takes hold of my life to be sung, in His words.

Ramadan is fast approaching, the constant reminding, that I fall short, so short that I cannot overlook, as much as I try and I shouldn’t. The mistakes, the wrongdoings, the lies. The fear that I cannot bury them whilst alive, all my actions will come with me and I wish I could leave most behind. The frustration in this life that I try to forget in my mind. They are already a signature imprinted deep, deep inside. In a place where I cannot reach, yank them out and set them alight. To start again, if only? nope, sorry, that has already been denied.

On all fours, bent over in dejection. A friend is coming, The souls are arousing, eager and wanting, in spite of my being unaware, there is something changing, something, somewhere in the air. My soul is desperately needing constantly beseeching, on my behalf, a hope etched into my spirit, good tidings of a place where only the spirit that lies within my soul can be free and tranquil, the destination that it saw and beheld, without me being there. Placed within me, It has tried to coax me there, that is the reason I so need to get us there……………….

 
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Posted by on May 16, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Small Thoughts

The Aakhira,

Is why we are here,

This life is now but not for long,

After,

Is where I belong,

I will work towards my dreams,

Beauty lies within my deen,

That is my focus, on that I will lean,

Ameen.

 
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Posted by on December 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

I saw a man today

I saw a man today, full of light, surrounded, not layed down but half way reclining, I couldn’t tell what type he was, black nor white? He had no race to define him, full of light, it was only light, he had a face but I did not know him.
The person beside him was preparing him for his burial, he went to arrange his hands and the man, eyes closed, without life, lifted his own hands and placed them on his chest as though performing a prayer. He looked so happy, relieved, I can’t describe it, I can still see his face. The person looked, taken aback in a gentle way all the while continuing the task at hand. At a pace, with peace and a floating silence.
He was praying, performing a Salah, hands remained as they were, no attempt was made to move them. He was no longer in life. What grace and how did he come upon it? His lord looked down favourably upon him, for to leave this world, and attain tranquillity before the eyes of those taking you to your resting place, he must have done something worthy of pleasing his Lord? Now what was it? I want it. How do I get it?
He had life yet he was not alive, nor was he breathing. Something was there, with him, so peaceful, tranquil, and silent, through all that was happening.
A peaceful death. A death full of peace. A death in peace. A death, just like, sleep.
Then I woke up. Wondering. Started moving, with the stillness, with a weakness. Not knowing who he was or why? The day continues, in a sweet, silent daze am I.

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2014 in Uncategorized